Wednesday, October 6

do not stay the night

Sleeping (like real sleeping) with someone makes the boundary between random hookups and relationships get blurry. Think about it- raw animal sex is just that: pure slutty emotions taking over for an evening. Being intwined in someone's arms and waking up sober and cuddling-- that's not dirty at all. It's sweet and psudo-romantic and if anything leads to a lot of confusion.

But, of course, there are some exceptions:
- if you live far away. as in, different postal codes or more than a $10 cab ride.
- you have hooked up so many times before that staying over would no longer blur the "is this just sex or could it be something more?" line.
- you both are going to be in the same place less than 5 hours after the sex ended.

**note: wanting morning sex is NOT a good enough reason. morning sex is a relationship privilage, and/or is reserved for only the well-seasoned fuck buddy.

And even with the exceptions you still need to bluff your way into staying the night. ALWAYS say, at the end of sex "okay, I'm going to go now..." to get permission to stay from the person who owns the bed. Don't just expect it.

And even so, sleeping togther after sex is a dangerous situation.
Take, for instance: This one guy I was hooking up with a while ago, he was one of the biggest players ever (he almost puts Steverino to shame). Even before we made it the first time he told me we could not start a relationship, and I was fine with that- I was really only looking for sex too. And we had some of the kinkiest, best sex ever. It got pretty regular too, but was always when we were drunk, hooking up when we were leaving the bar or calling each other after last call, whatevs.

But here's the catch: ALWAYS, at like 4am after the 3-or-so rounds of fabulous sex, I would go to leave and he would pull me into his arms and say something like "you're mine!". He wouldn't let me go home (a 5 minute walk) and always begged me to stay with him. And so I would sleep in his arms, and he would cuddle me the entire night and give me massages as I slept and in the morning and we'd have more sex and then I would go home and feel SO CONFUSED and SO AWFUL.

Becuase if we had just been fucking I could have dealt with it.
But waking up in his arms, with the sun streaming in the windows, it made me almost fall in love with the guy. The guy who, the following night, would blatently take another girl home from the bar in front of me.

So if you want to avoid confusion, I suggest keeping your sleeping to yourself. But if you must stay the night, make sure the other person is okay with it. And for the love of god, do not over stay your welcome in the morning. I know girls who have stopped hooking up with boys becuase they stayed too long in the morning. Consider yourself warned, heh heh.