Wednesday, May 17

I have checked my "professional" email so many times in the past few days that I am starting to think I have an compulsive problem.

I am waiting to hear from a potential employer. Actually, from a few potential employers, but one has specifically told me I have until Friday to hear about whether or not I have a job. And not just any job, but a permanent, full-time salaried position, working downtown-- a "this is the start of my career" job.

And so I check my email a thousand times a day, waiting for news. I know that the majority of emails are sent at the start and finish of the work day and that I should stop being so obsessive, but I can't help it. I'm not anxious as much as I am impatient. I just want to knnnnooooooowwww.

I feel so foggy right now: I'm running on a week-by-week basis and can't commit to anything. Instead I have a list of a million things I want to do and figure that they will sort themselves out over the next few months. Everything is in a weird limbo, hanging in a balance of maybes and possibilities.

When my university-sanctioned agenda ran out at the end of April I dreaded the thought of having to buy a new twelve-month planner without any idea of what would fill the pages. I have decided to remedy this by purchasing a Palm Treo 650--its seemingly timeless calendar feature seems much more on par with the fluidity of my lifestyle.

In second year a graduating friend said he was annoyed at how everyone comes out of school trapped in a year-by-year mindset. We're so encouraged to plan things in twelve month cycles: "I'm taking a year off," "Next year I'm going to..." "I'm only going to stay with them for a year or two," and etc. I didn't get it at the time, but now I understand and sympathize with his argument.