Wednesday, October 25

I am a big fan of inventing things. Inventing as in: constantly convincing myself that the various ideas I’ve come up with are necessary and logical, when in fact, they simply do not exist.

For example, when Terra and I were at the Justin Timberlake and Christina Aguilera concert a few years ago, I learned over and whispered to her “So at the end of the show, if they came out together and did Dirty Dancing’s ‘I’ve Had the Time of my Life’ routine wouldn’t that be incredible!”

After a few moments of extreme excitement I burst her bubble and let her know that this duet was something I had made-up, not something that was actually going to happen. (Though we both kept our fingers crossed until the stadium lights turned on and the show ended sans Baby and Johnny impersonations. To this day we both maintain that eventually it will occur. It HAS to!)

Fashion also drives me to constantly invent things. Every season I imagine the items I need to acquire, through mental hybrid creations of various trends and designers. Then I go shopping and expect to see said items on shelves for a reasonable price. Surprise surprise: this rarely happens. Yes, I could make my own clothing, but most of the time I imagine shoes and I don’t think I have the skills to be a cobbler. So instead I get extremely stubborn about finding my dream purchases and end up buying nothing at all.

Currently I am obsessing over finding a winter coat. Or, more specifically, finding THE winter coat. I want a down-filled ¾ length parka with real fur trim on the hood. Seems simple enough?

People suggested I buy a Canada Goose coat, but even in size XXXS I resemble a military marshmallow pouff. I need a parka that’s a little less bulk and a little bit more sleek. (Also, the boyfriend has a Canada Goose and I usually make it a point to poke fun at couples that dress the same, so…)

I then used my internet skills and found exactly what I wanted on the American website bluefly.com: a Michael Kors parka. But. But but but! I’m a tad uneasy about ordering a jacket sight unseen, especially when the cross-border duty would make returning it pretty difficult.

And so this is how I found myself in a shopping frenzy last night, driving sales people batty trying to find a Kors replacement and then skewing my own judgment on what would be an appropriate purchase. When you are deep in a valley of $700 coats, suddenly the $400 one you “kinda like” seems like a bargain. When you again remember how cold it is, you suddenly think that buying a $130 placeholder “no down, no real fur” parka makes sense. NO! NO NO NO NO!

So instead, I have opted to be more proactive. I will expand my coat requirements and continue my search. I will donate all my old jackets to Goodwill. But I will remain annoyed at people with allergies who have ruined the market for down-filled coats, and be angry at the people who protest fur because they prefer the shaggy, frazzled look of faux. (I will make up for my lack of animal ethics by eating some trendy Animal Compassionate meat, okay?)