Tuesday, February 6

A favourite post-New Years joke has been to change the resolution of “No Hatin’!” into “MO Hatin’!”—and then you know, spread little bits of resentment and disagreement whenever possible in a jokey fun way. So, in effort to keep up with all the negativity I’ve missed out on (and because MTV told me this is the week we supposedly give up on our resolutions…) I’ve compiled a list of things which annoy, irritate, and drive me crazy. I’m a really good complainer when I put my mind to it.

- Jessica Simpson’s “brown” hair. First of all, it’s a crappy dye job—the transparent caramel colour is not brown, nor does it make her a brunette. If you go from platinum to chestnut, your hair requires some extra care to keep the dye from “sliding” off your over-processed strands. Her glossy shade has to be a very temporary hue designed to not damage her precious blonde—which, by the way, she made a huge stink over protecting for her role in the Dukes of Hazzard. Way to back down now just when your paparazzi attention was dwindling.

- The Torontoist debate about the “Global Warming Ready” Diesel ads. The argument that it makes people excited for climate change is simply stupid. And the mini-protest about using endangered macaws—ever heard of digital editing and photo manipulation? One doubts they wrangled a dozen parrots for the picture, let alone even went to Venice to capture Piazza San Marco. Why don’t you boycott Parrot Bay Rum for exploitation while you’re at it?

Sure, the photos are glossy and sexy, but to assume that anyone would look at the ads and think that’s what’s coming our way when the ozone vanishes, and to claim that the ads are un-educating us about global warming… COME ON. It’s nothing more than a clever visual representation of everyone’s “I love warm weather!” jokes. Did I miss the moment when all advertising proclaimed to represent reality?

And if you’re going to get completely analytical about it, look at the background of the ads where the real destruction is taking place. It’s a modern Death of Sardanapalus—a perfect moment of luxury and ecstasy before the devastation takes over. Though I’m sure there were haters judging Delacroix for being too romantic, just like our local mini-iconoclasts are doing today.

- The “Bridezilla Wigs Out!” clip (no link deliberately) on YouTube and its surrounding popularity. I hate this video more than I hate how YouTube references have become the way for main stream media outlets to act like they’re still relevant. I just don’t get what all the fuss is—it’s a mildly entertaining clip that’s been completely over-hyped. I shouted “just get to the point!” many times while viewing. Interesting how suddenly YouTube is now known as a place for hosting hoax videos secretly produced by production companies and ad agencies.

Additionally, the girls from the video were on MTV yesterday and their overblown egos required a whole other studio. If any of them become popular I hope it’s the bridesmaid with the The Office-style glances into the camera—the shrieky bride herself just needs to disappear. Oh well, fifteen minutes has almost passed, right?

- The Australian stranger who has decided to move into my friend Ashley’s house. After signing the lease in August, Ashley’s annoying roommate informed the house than a friend would be moving in for the winter. Not just any friend, but an older man she had been chatting with on the internet who was going to come from Australia for a visit and to meet her for the first time. After months of debate about, oh, personal safety and respect for others, she snuck the Aussie inside and he’s been squatting ever since. Hosting a stranger for two months is one thing, expecting your roommates to cover his utilities and rent is another. Time for a good old fashioned eviction, I think…