Thursday, March 1

I would like to send out a big FUCK YOU to the person who hit my parked car last night. You are too considerate, smashing in my driver’s side-view mirror and then speeding off to where ever you had to be. So I could come bouncing out of my house at quarter to nine, ready to drive to work, and find your handiwork waiting.

Thank you so much for not thinking to leave a note either. Naw, I don’t need the $250 it’s going to cost to replace the mirror. Nor do I need my car for the two days it will be in the shop. It’s fine, I can totally cover the expenses caused by your lack of depth perception.

And how sweet of you to do it on the date of my one-month anniversary with the new car! Also swell: that you chose to do it on the day of a huge blizzard. Who really uses side-view mirrors anyways? I mean, traffic was only going 20km/h the whole way home—being able to see properly wouldn’t have changed that.

In other not-wanting-to-hunt-down-a-car-with-a-dent-and-white
-scrape-on-it-and-seriously-harm-the-driver news, Brown and I recently debated the idea of engagement rings. Our totally clever outcome is posted here.