Tuesday, August 29

I would generally consider myself to have a sort of alpha-female personality. This was first pointed out in high school by a friend who turned me into a superhero for a comic-book art project. I have a copy of one drawing: it’s me as a sort of Sailor Moon girl, with flowing platinum-blonde hair and a huge ‘A’ for Alpha-Female is marked on my spandex-suit.

(The illustrator also made sure that every drawing emphasized a teeny waist and supple chest, but that’s a whole other story…)

I think my alpha-personality is kind of a half-one, however. I’m bossy when no one else is making decisions. I’m the center of attention when I don’t feel over-shadowed by those around me. I get publicly frustrated with complacency. I’m a brat when I really need to get my way. If the void is there I will fill it—but if another female is dominating I’m happy to let her lead the way and play the role of unassuming, quiet, and satisfied. Basically, if the passive alpha-female exists, it’s me.

Lately I have met a lot of female comedians; like stand-up, improve, totally funny girls who work any situation they are in. I can not perform on demand like that: Instead I balk at their confidence and turn into shy-Paige. No alpha-female personality here!

(Hellooo! I only have a natural, occasional amount of funny in me! Wouldn’t anyone else feel totally intimidated if surrounded by people whose job it is to be hilarious? And also: I’m simply much too distracted by laughing constantly at jokes to make any of my own.)

But yesterday, while waiting in the MTV green room with Sabrina Jalees, I realized that the professional funny girl is a passive alpha-girl’s best friend. She’ll make jokes to melt through all your anxiety, turn around any awkwardness, let you be the center of attention when you really need it, and do it all without you even noticing. (And ignore the fact that you ‘TV-promised’ not to blog about the green room? Ha ha.)

So. I’m not saying a more-bossy and bratty Paige is on the way. No no, just a more confident, assertive one. But hey—the whole seeing myself on national TV thing could also have something to do with it. (Insert here the huge smile I have been making since yesterday.)